Desires of My Heart
The past couple of weeks I have had a deep tugging at my heart. It's completely unrealistic tugging, but a tugging nonetheless. I'm finally deciding to share it in the hopes that maybe somebody will offer some words of wisdom to get me over this hump.
So what is the desire? To stay at home with my kids. There are several reasons that I want this...I want to see my kids more often, spend more time with them; I want to be the homemaker that has dinner ready and everyone sits around the table and talks about their day; I want to have the ability to have my kids involved in the different activities that they want to be involved in; I want to actually have time to clean my house (lately it's been kind of a wreck); I want to have time to go to the bank or the grocery store...
I DON'T WANT TO COMPLETELY STRESS OUT WHEN MY KIDS GET SICK! That would really help right now. After all the crud that was passed around in January and now P getting over being sick again (and completely missing the TAKS tests, UGH!) and taking J to the dr today, I've about had it. I have ZERO sick time left, ZERO comp time, ZERO vacation time. And I haven't even had to stay home with them most of the time, I've had a lot of help from my mom. My dad and the kids dad has even stayed home with them. I feel a TON of pressure on me from my boss each time I have to take off, it sucks!
Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I love what I do....I'm just in a funk and I really need to get out of it. There's no way that a single mother of three boys can just decide to be a SAHM.
I will now open the floor for discussions, advice, comments or even just a good kick in the a$$.
6 comments:
I don't know what to tell you, hon.
I hate it that you have to work as hard as you do and as much as you do, and I'm certain you stay busy busy busy busy; I can't really say much except that when school ends, you'll think you have some free-time on your hands.
Xanax, Celexa, or Zoloft.
I feel ya, Kristi.
I, at times have felt what you are feeling. Sometimes it is all too much. Keep going. Be strong. Not that either one of us has a choice, right? I'm not trying to be negative, but lets be real.
It will all work out. GET IN THE WORD (I'm mostly talking to myself, but maybe this pertains to you, too?)
Love you!
And Zoloft makes you nauseous.
After a few days to think about this, I can say I know (kind of) know how you feel.
I've got the same desire, but from the other side. One of the deepest desires of my heart is to have a wife at home that I get to take care of, (and that I get to come home to, of course) to take care of the kiddos and cook and all of that stuff. Not in a barefoot and pregnant, kitchen and bedroom kind of way, but in a real, nuclear family kind of way.
I guys some guys have it, too.
And weaning yourself off of Zoloft os a bitch, too.
I felt like I was falling down for three weeks.
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