War Declared

Press Release

For Immediate Release

War Declared in the G Household

Keller, TX - E.G. has launched an all out war against the mattresses in the G household. His weapon of choice...water. The likes of which puts Hurricane Katrina to shame!

The DoM (Dept of Mom) has released the following statistics on the E Water War:

Wounded: 4 (1 full size matteress w/ box spring and 1 queen size mattress w/ box spring)
KIA: Zero to date....(although reports from the field indicate the babysitter is in critical condition)
Amount of Water Used: Reports are fuzzy at the time of release, however, one eye witness was heard saying "There must be at least three gallons of water in the shop vac and the mattresses are still dripping wet!"

Strategies to defeat EG and win the Water War are still being formulated. The DoM is continuing the use of locks on all bathroom doors and ensuring that all containers that could transport the weapon of choice are kept out of reach.

Spending on the war is at an all time high. The majority of the costs are associated with clean-up efforts. It is reported that, on Thursday alone, 15 bath towels, 8 hand towels, 10 wash cloths, 2 tablecloths, 5 fitted sheets, 4 queen size blankets, 1 king size comforter and 1 king size bed skirt required laundering. Spending could go much higher if the wounded do not heal properly.

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The author of the article regrets to inform the admiring public that she will be unavailable for interviews as her time is being split between guarding faucets and folding laundry.